Well it’s a little neglected this little blog of mine.. I think the last time I posted I was on a deadline for an assignment.. And coincidence of all coincidences, I’m working to a deadline again.. essay only 2/3 done is due Monday 
(coincidence! I swear!)
I was at the hospital the other day working my shift. I have been on placement since July, working 2 days a week in different sections of maternity. It’s been an overall good experience, and re-affirmed my love of all things midwifery. I truly do love what I’m doing.
This has been a difficult semester, not only am I playing catch-up for all the stuff I missed out on last semester, but I really had the confidence knocked out of me early on. It was during a conversation with someone close to me that this first manifested itself. Basically, this person suggesting that student midwives have no place in the hospital system or at a birth.
It really shook my confidence. For a long time I have been pinching myself. I got into uni, and I’m not quite sure how it happened. I pass every test, every assignment, every competency and every placement and I am not sure how that is allowed to happen. And at the end of the day, I’m not an imposter. I’m here, I am a 3rd year nursing/midwifery student. It’s no mistake, I have earnt my place in the class of 2013. My teachers, lecturers, tutors, educators and mentors have validated that as such. I keep expecting to one day wake up and find it has all been a dream. But it’s not, it’s real. And it’s amazing. So who is this person in my life, and why let them convince me that I don’t belong in my life?
It still amazes me everyday that I walk on the ward that I am allowed to be involved in providing care for these women and their bubs in utero. I recognise the pleasure, privelege and responsibility that is. And I am thankful for it everyday.
I thought I would share an experience I had the other day. I was rostered for the delivery suite. I love going to work on delivery suite. Cos overwhelmingly, it means it’s someone’s birthday. It’s the day that someone welcomes a new member to their family. It was particularly quiet that day, no women in labour. So we stand and wait. We need to wait, just in case someone comes in to deliver.
We had a caesarean section booked, and the midwife’s role in that room is minimal, if not super-numery at times. The caesarean section had been booked well ahead of time because of a particular complication with the pregnancy. When I did some research on the topic, I found that most of the time, this complication is diagnosed on pathology investigations. I found that the majority of the time, the complication results in a bad outcome for mum and bub, and usually it is discovered after it’s too late.
All went well with the procedure, though shortly after being born we noticed that bub was working a little bit too hard to breathe, and decided to take the little critter up to nursery for extra help to breathe. The operating theatre is a scary place for me as a student, and as someone who has been the patient on that table, it’s even scarier so for the patient.
In the moments after they took bub upstairs to the nursery, with dad and 4 or so other people in tow, that I remembered the very basics of my training. I remembered that there was a woman attached to that open abdomen, who had a head, a heart and feelings. I remembered she is a person, a wife, a mother, a scared patient. I sat down, next to the mother and held her hand. I explained to her that her baby was in the best place, and we would find out very soon what was going on. I reassured her and I stayed with her. I spoke to her and updated her on what was happening at each step. I stayed with her when the obstetrician beckoned me over to look at and learn about the complication that had brought us there.
I remember at the beginning of my training we discussed holistic care. That it’s more than just a broken knee in bed 16, there’s a person attached to that knee. And that person needs just as much care as the open wound. It’s more than just a woman who’s been induced with gestational diabetes, or pregnancy induced hypertension. It’s more than a woman who is in labour with her 4th child and had a major haemmorhage after the birth of number 2. It is a person. And midwifery means “with woman”. I hope I never forget that.
I hear anti-studentism(?) in my line of work too and I always challenge it. If students have no place in the hospital system then how are they supposed to learn? Apparently, we somehow magically go from being a student to being an experienced practitioner.
I’ll let you in on a little secret, there are plenty of days when I feel like a fraud, that any minute they’ll realise I really am crap. I mentioned this to my supervisor, a woman with 30 years experience under her belt, she confessed she has those days still. It’s probably that feeling that drives the best clinicians to continually learn and develop their clinical skills.
You’ve got a great attitude and I just know you’ll be a credit to your discipline.
It is so refreshing to see such enthusiasm for your chosen vocation. Disarmingly honest to admit that you, like all of us have moments of doubt or introspection. As Tatterededges says, you have a great attitude.
i resonate with this piece so much. i actually came across your blog whilst reading about a topic completely different (all my friends are getting married….). i clicked on your most recent blog entry and found this. i was once a student midwife. reading this feels like a mirror image of myself when i qualified over six years ago. was a bit of a shock to see it actually!
“with woman” is why i wanted to become a midwife. then i started working as a midwife; completely different. midwifery is no longer my career (i didn’t last long) but reading your post makes me miss that. i was too weak to handle the job, it was tough going once qualified, i felt like the world was against me – no jobs, had to move to London, awful experiences once i was in a job in a city where i knew no-one, and a general disregard/no support for newly qualified midwives from senior staff because of staff shortages etc. a few dark years ensued for me, but you’ve made me miss why i trained as a midwife in the first place, and thank you for that.
i wish you well, i hope you have an amazingly positive start to your career, and that you’re stronger than me (it wouldn’t take much, ha) to get yourself through the time times post-qualifying. i loved my midwifery training, i’ll never forget all the special moments. i hope you have many more to come in your future career