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Archive for May, 2011

Ever felt like you have something you need to get off your chest, something you need to share? Ever felt like you need a safe space to share your thoughts, to openly write about something that is on your mind? I know I have felt like that. I have felt that opening myself up and sharing what’s on my mind, could also open the floodgates for criticism, judgement and people misunderstanding my purpose behind sharing. Sometimes sharing is just enough to lighten the load. Sharing helps if only just to get if off your chest.

For this reason, I am going to host a blog post or 2, for a wonderful friend who needs somewhere to share the things that are on her mind. And for different reasons, would rather to share it on a blog that is not as accessible to family and friends. I guess there are times in life when you need the freedom to express whats on your mind.

I don’t love you anymore.

Perhaps not the worst words one can hear. But absolutely devastating nonetheless.

Only a few months ago my life changed irrevocably when I heard those words.

First, denial, incredulity and searing pain – unimaginable pain that the person whom I trusted most in the world could withdraw his love from me.  And do it so easily, so completely, in just five words.

But there I was; dying inside and putting a smile on my face for my two young sons, my visiting family and my brand new job.

A very wise friend told me that I would be glad to have that new job, despite my fear that this was the worst time possible to start a new career. She said it would see me through.

How right she was.

As my marriage changed overnight from happy and successful to one reminiscent of a pile of cold damp ash, my friends (both old and new) rallied around me and my job gave me confidence, hope and Joy.

It’s not easy – not by a long shot. But, you know what, I’m still here. And I can still smile.

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Rest in Peace…

I woke up this morning to a phone call at 7am on the house phone… At the moment because of a knee injury I am staying at Mum and Dad’s house. So the concept of a house phone is normally foreign to me. But who calls on the house phone at 7am? This. Is. Never. Good. I was right, it wasn’t. I waited in bed, and no-one came rushing in to tell me anything shocking so I had a look at facebook, twitter, words with friends… all the important things!

On facebook, I saw a post on my auntie’s wall, and thought that’s a little strange: looks like spam, or maybe someone hacked her account? It was a post from my cousin, her daughter stating that my aunt had passed away…. In light of the spam attack on Facebook this week and my sleepy state I was disturbed by it, but not disturbed enough to jump out of bed… I drifted back to sleep thinking that even if it was spam, it was a bit of a sick joke…….. :-S

Half an hour or so later, I heard Dad up making my breakfast. So I went out to the kitchen and had a look for him. Asked him what the phone call was. He then informed that in fact, my uncle’s ex-wife in the states has died, she was only 55 and no-one knows any details as it was quite sudden. I guess the shock of the situation and then the fact that I had brushed it aside a little, I am saddened by this news.. It’s sad that she has died and sad that as we know she died alone…

Auntie Chris hasn’t been in my life for close to 15 years as when she divorced my uncle she and her daughter moved back to the states. I would say I saw her about 7 or 8 years ago when she visited Australia as she and my uncle remained friends. Auntie Chris was always happy to hear what was happening in our lives, and via facebook we came into contact again in the last few years. We haven’t been close for many years, but I am saddened at her passing. In some ways I don’t quite know how to feel. But I guess this post is in honour of her life. I had always hoped in a few years to go and visit her and my cousin over there, never guessing for a second that she wouldn’t be there anymore. I read her facebook update the other day and she was very excited as she was moving in with her boyfriend. It’s all just a little surreal. I feel sad for her daughter, my cousin who has not got much family left there apart from her husband and kids, and I feel sad that she needs to deal with this on her own.

I guess, lastly. It’s the shock that death can happen at any time. And  it has reminded me to tell my Mum that I love her everyday, reminded me to tell all the people I love- that I do.

This post is for you Auntie Chris, rest in peace. xoxoxo

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