Archive for June, 2011

Ok so here is part 2 of a guest post… Previously this same friend posted a guest post on my blog… Having a safe place to share is invaluable. Not only does it allow the freedom of expression, but also the space to heal and reflect….

A few lessons my dead marriage has taught me (so far):

Don’t hold it in – whether overcome with grief or joy, it is always best to let yourself fully experience the feelings when you can. If you insist on suppressing your grief, it will find its way out – through any crack in your carefully built façade. Better to take the 5, 10, 20 minutes to let yourself FEEL it all…and then let it pass.

The emotions of grief and pain act like the ocean – one minute you are floating, quite happily, even confidently in gently moving waters. Slowly, you can feel a change underneath, way down deep – a pulling away. But you don’t worry because everything seems fine and calm around you. Until the feelings begin to grow and, suddenly, you see the wave cresting just over the top of your head before it all comes crashing down. The wave washes over you, enveloping every bit of you, taking your breath and pulling you down. You fear that you’ll drown, that you’ll never come back up. But just like waves in the ocean, the feelings can recede – allowing you to gasp and fight for your life, your joy.

The children ARE most important – even when they don’t/can’t/won’t show you that they love you back, you MUST continue to vocally and actively show them that you love them. They may be so young that they have no way of completely comprehending the changes taking place around them, but they can feel the differences. And they need reassurance – even as you want it for yourself, you need to give it. Reassurance that, despite everything, they are lovely and they are loved.

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Ever Lose a Friend…..?

Yeh, me neither… No wait.. That’s just me not wanting to talk about something that is real and is happening… I do like to avoid talking about things.. You see if you talk about things, that makes them real…. No I guess I should talk about it. I mean we all lose friends from time to time, that’s what life is like. It happens. Don’t get me wrong… I am well aware that life will not always go my way…..

We all have those friendships that went bad over an argument. We all have those friendships that ended around the closure of situational circumstance. eg- those friendships that were never there anyway.. They existed for as long as you went to the same school, uni, gym, workplace and naturally ended with the conclusion of those circumstances. Those are sad enough, but they seem to be natural, and not too painful….

No. What I have the most trouble with is those friendships that just seem to end for no reason…. No big event, no change in circumstances… Just someone who doesn’t wanna hang out anymore.. I can sit here all day trying to theorise what happened and what it is that I did wrong… And there are other cases where I know what I’ve done wrong…. It doesn’t make it any easier to be alone in the world. And sometimes believe it or not, I’ve done nothing wrong……

I am 26 years old, and I seem to have lost many friends to relationships or them starting their own families. I don’t know why it has to happen that way, it just seems to…. Some people don’t find time for you any more when they meet a man, or some people just decide they’d rather find time for other people…

I don’t have many good friends, and I try not to grieve over the lost friendships too long… But I do wonder how it happens…

I’ve been grieving a lost friendship for awhile now… I am hoping I can put it to rest now, and move on… See what else the world has to offer me…. 😀

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